At the end of the year of 2017, I caught a flight from Budapest to Paris travelling around Europe. I had a cold before getting on which was unfortunate because the flight was very turbulent with wet and windy conditions, causing my ears to block. I absolutely love travelling but unfortunately, I’m not a great flyer, which wasn’t always the case growing up but nevertheless nowadays it is the taking off that makes me feel uncomfortable. Rather specific I know, but it’s the combination of being propelled backwards in your seat while climbing the sky upwards, that is a feeling I’ve had to fight through every single time I’ve boarded. Send me on an 8-hour train journey any day! Crazy I know, but I lived most of my life hurriedly tripping around in these things… I’m a country girl or better yet an Aussie! Long distances are the norm. They don’t phase up right?! I mean c’mon, how long did it take for you get to your local shopping mall?? I’ll start…. A whole 45 mins!

Nevertheless, there are just some things you just got to do (like eat those greens ya’ll) and trains just don’t cut it sometimes like planes do. Especially with how fast paced we live our lives nowadays. Just as fast and easy it is to pop a pill to calm my nerves on the flight but little old me with my DIY approach discovered a very simple and easier coping mechanism that I found calmed me. This coping mechanism was to simply block my ears so that I couldn’t hear the sound of the engine. I felt that if I couldn’t hear any sound (despite feeling the motion) it was almost as if I wasn’t jet setting off in 42,600 kg Airbus A30 with 149 passengers alongside me!...... but hey, whatever works right?! And it did, to some degree, it got me through the hundred and one flights that I took around the world as I’ve now lived in 3 different countries and travelled around to more than I can count on two hands! Unfortunately, during this flight though, I started to experience pain in my ear which by the time I got off the plane had turned into an earache and a very severe one that eventually left me curled up in a ball on the couch in the foyer of my hostel at 2am crying my eyes out, with nothing but a hot washcloth over my ear to aid some relief. It just so happened at this particular time none of the staff had any Panadol or Nurofen at hand at all! And without it, I was very well aware of the severity of the pain, that’s for sure! It was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced. To be honest, I don’t even remember breaking my leg being near as painful. Although, potentially having to drag the weight of plaster around was! True story though, I had to wear fiberglass because my 11-year-old twiggy self couldn’t carry around the weight!

It was also one of the worse nights of my life. I had arrived in Paris very late and decided I could brave it on the train. Never again. Some junkie tried to make strange conversation and I felt every man and his dog eyes on me as I walked through the station. Lucky enough, I had made it to the hotel, but it wasn’t exactly a ’meet cute’ (I had envisioned a very charming boutique hostel… I know it’s a hostel but its Paris, right? Unfortunately, aside from the intrusive & very unwelcoming earache & no drugs to dull the pain, I had stupidly booked a hostel room with 3 others and had to settle myself in without the light on, as they all slept. And it wasn’t a jump straight into bed situation... I had to make my bed and wait for it…I was on the top bunk! Now if you were an only child, perhaps the word ‘bunkbed’ might not sound foreign to you, but I can assure you when you’ve hit your 20s and your grand plan is to do 25 countries in 10 days… Jokes! (Wait that’s not doable right?!) you will soon become acquainted with the very comfortable bunk beds. But let me educate you, if you don’t already know, making your top bunk bed, is bad enough without having to do it in the dark! Oh, and whilst feeling like you want to cut your ear off. Pretty I know…But truth be told!

Somehow however, I manage to get some sort of sheet on and for whatever reason I ended up lying with my head at one end of the bed that made me feel really uncomfortable (Weird I know but it’s the same feeling you get when you sleep on the other side of your bed for a change… I mean it feels so weird right?!) I made it through the night however and I couldn’t believe I made it! I thought the night was never… going… to… end! The kind of night we’ve all experienced when you wish there were a switch you could easily flick to sleep mode! Thankfully exhaustion set in and I passed out for at least 4 hours.  

The next 5 days in Paris would be an incredible but a strange experience. Paris didn’t cease to amaze me, but my exploration was hindered due to the fact that I could only hear out of one ear! (Which as you will learn more about below, it is called conductive hearing loss) I woke up the next morning and I had convinced myself that a couple of pharmacy drugs would cure this earache. As long as I could numb the pain with Nurofen and pump some ear drops in the ear… it’d would as good as gold, yeah? But it wasn’t (of course) and I soon learnt when I had to call an emergency doctor to be sent to my hostel to treat me. He told me I was senseless like the rest of the Paris folk and that I should have gone straight to a doctor, because my ears (particularly the one I couldn’t hear out of) was blocked, inflamed and a very bad ear infection had brewed. Which meant I didn’t realize it, but that night before I got on the plane to Paris, for reasons I will explain later on, it would be the last time I would ever hear silence. Now that may sound like a rather strange thing to say, because no one hear can silence if it’s silent, right?! An even stranger thing to add is unfortunately I may never know what silence sounds like again. If it can be heard, that is! But believe me there is such a thing! Instead, I hear ringing, that no one else can hear. A high-pitched ringing sound that may never go away. It is and will likely be with me for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for the rest of my life, like a friend you tried to the end the friendship with but no matter what they cling to you like a bad smell. Thankfully however they like chill with you during the day. They allow white noise to drown the majority of the sounds out so that you can live your life but then by night they decide to go into pest mode when you’re ready to seek some peace and quiet in bed. Sometimes, your convinced it has ADHD when you come home from a concert or have just listened to music. Almost as if they have selective hearing!

So, what do we call this friend?

They go by the name of Tinnitus.

The word "tinnitus" means tinkling or ringing like a bell. It’s a very common condition experienced by many young and old. According to the worlds number 1 website on hearing and hearing loss, Hearit.org, they write, ‘Tinnitus is noises in the head, not related to any psychiatric condition. The noise can be heard anywhere in the head or in one or both ears. Tinnitus can vary a lot between individuals; therefore, tinnitus varies considerably in intensity and type. Some people describe tinnitus as high-frequency whistling sounds while others perceive tinnitus as a buzzing noise or a sound similar to butter sizzling in a frying pan. But some experience, instead, a thumping sound in the same rhythm as their heartbeat. This is called pulsatile tinnitus.’ Occasionally it can be segments of music and can be heard as one singular noise or as multiple components. As mentioned earlier, my tinnitus noise is the sound of ringing, which sounds like the noise your tv would make back in the day, when a channel used to cut out and that weird line of colours would appear on the screen…remember those days?! As mentioned earlier, it also varies in pitch depending on if I’ve listened to loud noises or not, sometimes with an extra sound on top of the usual noise. 

So, what causes tinnitus?

‘The causes of tinnitus may vary. But the most common cause of tinnitus is exposure to noise. But tinnitus may also be caused by drugs, diseases, stress and head injuries.’ It could be as simple as compacted ear wax, a middle ear infection,’ stress, an unfortunate blow to your head, large doses of certain drugs such as aspirin’ or more seriously ‘Menièrè's disease, Head trauma, or a tumor in the ear.’ But I advise you strongly not to come to this conclusion on your own through google!

And how did I get tinnitus you might ask?

I’m convinced it was from exposure to loud sounds or more specifically Acoustic overexposure. It started listening to music in my ears very loudly as a child. Mum was constantly telling me to turn it down, but she just couldn’t get the message through. The sound was clearly blocking it! (Sorry, I can’t help myself guys:p) And over time, I believe the inner ear was mildly damaged. Then on that trip in Europe I experienced barotrauma in the ear (a recipe for a disaster as a result of my cold and the deliberate blocking of my ears which is stupid when you’re supposed to be unblocking them to equalize air pressure!) Of which then turned into a severe ear infection (in the middle ear). The barotrauma could have very well triggered the preexisting damage causing the tinnitus or it could have increased the volume of the preexisting tinnitus (that an ENT I saw believed I had) but was only brought to my attention following the incident.

Alright, you ready for a little nerdiness?!

In order for me to fully understand Tinnitus, I had to learn about the specifics of it.…you might find it as fascinating as I did..

Tinnitus is caused by an (….’absent audiological input. Medical research carried out in the past few years indicates that tinnitus is caused by absent or reduced nerve activity in the nerves which connect the damaged part of the inner ear to the central nervous system in the brain. This then leads to increased nerve activity, causing a change in the transmission of signals as they travel to the hearing center of the brain. When this increased activity reaches the hearing center of the brain (which is the auditory cortex, where the sound is processed), a sound is heard even though the ear is not picking up any sound from its surrounding. This is tinnitus. Unfortunately, this means the auditory cortex do not receive signals like they used to. 

And what is the connection between Tinnitus and Hearing Loss?

This was something I was baffled by!

Tinnitus is usually caused by a malfunction in the hearing system (which includes the ear and brain and has three parts to it- the Inner, Middle and Outer ear); it is a symptom, not a disease in itself. ‘Many people who suffer from tinnitus also may suffer from hearing loss. Although tinnitus is more common among people who suffer from hearing loss, anyone can suffer from tinnitus. It is also possible to suffer from major hearing loss without contracting tinnitus at all.’ A hearing loss can come in many different forms and in a range of different frequencies.’ An example of hearing loss can be conductive or sensorineural. ‘A conductive hearing loss is where the ears’ ability to conduct sound from the outer ear through the middle ear into the inner ear is blocked or reduced, which can be caused by an ear infection, which I experienced in Paris. ‘For some, hearing loss can be small or only affect a narrow band of frequencies as the result of a minor injury to the inner ear so that it does not result in hearing loss apart from the tinnitus or ringing ears experienced. As it can be quite difficult to pinpoint the damage specifically, this could mean a hearing loss which cannot be measured by conventional hearing tests. This can be sensorineural hearing loss (which) results from damage to the tiny hair cells in the inner ear.’ In my case, I saw the audiologist and had a conventional hearing test and fortunately I have perfect hearing! However, if I were to have extensive tests specifically for tinnitus (which can be offered), as the ENT believed, I have sensorineural hearing loss because ’Acoustic overexposure (which I think is the trigger behind my tinnitus) can result in noise induced hearing loss, which is a permanent form of sensorineural hearing loss’

Ok, by this stage, you are probably wondering, is there a cure?

If you have conductive hearing loss, the tinnitus could be temporary. It may be a simple case of a build-up of wax or an ear infection which is generally treatable.  However, if you have sensorineural hearing loss, I have read it is not scientifically proven curable because the hair cells and the nerves cannot repair themselves, like animals can. But medical scientists are working on it! ‘On the internet, on TV and radio commercials and in papers and magazines you can easily find many who offer a method that can cure, or at least reduce, tinnitus. This could for example be in the form of “medication” (pills and injections), herbal treatments, different types of therapy and hypnosis. Luckily, many can live with their tinnitus as it may only occur occasionally and/or is relatively quiet, but for some the tinnitus is so bothersome & intense that it negatively influences their daily life to a very large extend.’ ‘This may include psychological, physical and social problems. Some also experience stress, fatigue, emotional problems and depression. For these people, it is very natural to look for a cure that can make the tinnitus go away - or at least reduce it.

Now don’t you worry, I’ve had my one or two emotional ‘moments’ (as I like to call them) and by that, I mean having a cry and then making my boyfriend drive to the Lebanese chicken shop for fried chicken and chips for dinner. But hey, I mean there are worst things to upset yourself over, like having a butterfly tattoo etched above your backside (Yep! Would you believe I saw that the other day walking down the street but look… each to their own!) But at times, particularly at the beginning, Tinnitus can make you feel trapped and cornered with nowhere to run. But let me tell you… for those who have just begun this journey of tinnitus, its going to be okay! If you’re new to your tinnitus journey, I’m sure you’ve read up on Doctor Google and spoken to a few people and most likely read comments about tinnitus that were disheartening (or I sure did!) but if you’re still reading, I want to firstly let you know that the good news is that I now rarely notice my tinnitus even in silence and now I feel it sounds even less quiet!

So, you want to know how have I’ve managed tinnitus?

Okay, let’s start with your mindset, because this is crucial to our mental wellbeing and happiness.

1. I went and saw a doctor (who said nothing but ‘train the brain’ which at that stage, wasn’t received well by me, as I was in a place of frustration and wanted answers!) I requested to see a specialist who recommended me to an ENT who I saw and then ended up seeing an audiologist who I personally found a much better experience in general. The audiologist tested my hearing and also helped me understand Tinnitus and the hearing system more extensively so that I could learn exactly what was what! I don’t know about you, but I am the type of person who has to know every single thing about the matter, especially if it’s not curable (at this stage) sothat I can find peace and acceptance. Which brings me to my next point...
2. I acknowledged and accepted Tinnitus. When I first started noticing the tinnitus, I didn’t pay much attention to it ironically, because I thought it would go away, but then as time passed it didn’t, and even though I started noticing it, I ignored it. I didn’t want to deal with it. I had bigger and better things to concern myself with. Secretly I was hoping it would just fix itself. Ha! How many things in life do we wish that to be true?! I’ll go first, grocery shopping when you lounged on the couch watching Netflix! It wasn’t until one night, after a stressful day, the sound had increased and was unbearable to listen to as I tried to go to sleep. That’s when I knew I needed to confront and acknowledge the issue. So, with this intent I went to the doctors in the hope of finding out everything about it, because for me, that’s how I’ve always been able to find acceptance. I can’t accept something, until I access the how, what, when and why. Hence, why I’ve always been one to ask questions (and that of a chatterbox!) because through learning we acquire knowledge and through knowledge we acquire power and it is through the power of knowledge, we feel empowered.  It is after now having seen a medical professional, through conducting my own research online and having written this blog that I have come to understand and accept it. That it may be with me for the rest of my life. I mean that’s not to say, that there isn’t a chance it may not go away, as the audiologist said but for now Tinnitus and I have to learn how to become friends. This was a hurdle for me, as it may be or has been for others: bringing acceptance into this friendship. When it can be a horrible friend after you’ve just hung out at your favourite concert!  Which brings me to my third point…
3. I created a long-distance friendship. The best recipe for the connection in this friendship (the electrical kind might I add :P) is not to engage too much in this friendship. So, keep your distance! Easier said than done. This one’s a clinger. But don’t acknowledge they’re hanging out with you because the more you’re aware they want to hang (or cling, shall I say!) the more you’re irritated by their presence. But how do I do this, I hear you ask? It’s simple. It wasn’t at first but it soon became so. Just go about your everyday life and tasks during the day! The more you’re focused on what you’re doing the more you don’t even notice! And I know you may be reading this and think well this is absolutely pointless advice Catherine because your tinnitus is forever wanting to have a long coffee catchup that never ends, well I have some exciting news for you. Firstly, during the day white noise helps and secondly unless of course you’re doing nothing but sitting in a silent room facing a wall, you’re likely to be engrossed in something that will take your mind off. Like that the first bite into your hot piece of chicken! And before your judgment comes to play, yes, I’m taking the mickey out of the situation, because I think a key ingredient to dealing with it all is….
4. Humour! I mean what is life without laughter! Laugh, oh and cry because you’re at it if you want too! The heart and mind smile’s when you do, and it will help you to forget that life is too short to let it debilitate you.

As for the practical side of things, there are many ways you manage your tinnitus. Hearit.org suggests some ways that might be helpful for you…

• ‘Avoid anxiety or stress, as these stimulate an already sensitive hearing system. (When I’m stressed, my noise sometimes increases slightly)
• Have adequate rest and avoid fatigue.
• Avoid the use of stimulants to the nervous system, including coffee (caffeine), alcohol, and smoking (nicotine). (Hence, I only drink de-caf!)
• Be aware that tinnitus is usually more noticeable after retiring for the night as your surroundings are quieter. Any noise in the room, such as a ticking clock or softly playing radio, helps to mask tinnitus and it makes it less irritating.
• Use a tinnitus masker if you find this helpful (I used tinnitus apps at one stage! My personal favourites are the sounds of the ocean and the rain.)
• Some people benefit by using a hearing aid as it amplifies outside noise (like masking) I personally think this depends on how loud your tinnitus is.
• Avoid situations that can further damage hearing (excessive noise) and protect your ears from injury & use protective ear wear when appropriate.

I actually bought hearing plugs designed in the shape of the inner ear to wear to concerts to help with the noise. They come in a range of sizes, and I bought them from my local chemist. These, you can request from the pharmacist.

• And lastly, counselling may be beneficial as reassurance by a specialist help to calm such fears and anxieties (related to Tinnitus).’

And my final word…

No-ones denying Tinnitus can suck at the best of times, if you need to cry, yell or eat a heck load of chocolate from time to time, you do it! But through personal experience, I’ve found the key to taking control of my Tinnitus, was through learning how to understand and manage it so that you take control before it takes control of you.

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